“I explained it so clearly! Why are they still doing it?”

Why consistency matters (even when it feels like it’s not working)

Many parents are trying so hard to offer gentle guidance, reframe behavior positively, and create safety. But it’s easy to feel defeated when your child keeps doing “that thing” — again and again.

Here’s what’s really going on:

• Children under 6 are only beginning to understand the meaning behind words like “danger,” “wait,” or “not now.” Their brains are still forming the neural pathways that connect language with action and impulse control.

•  Even by age 7, self-regulation is only starting to develop — and even then, it’s often fragile.

• Full self-regulation — the ability to manage strong impulses and emotions in the moment — matures around age 12 and continues into the teens.

So when a child keeps climbing the chair it’s not defiance. It's their present-moment emotion — excitement, curiosity, or stress — taking over.

They’re not ignoring you.

They’re simply not yet wired to pause and reflect like an adult can.

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 That’s why consistency matters.

Not because it works immediately — but because over time, it creates recognizable safety, internalized boundaries, and a map of how the world responds.

 And yes — this means parents also need self-regulation.

It’s hard.

But when we hold steady — not perfectly, but often enough — we become the anchor our child’s nervous system can organize around.