Have you ever wondered why we call them “the first 7 years at home”?

It’s not really about good manners — it’s about the safety of the nervous system.

Because I’ll say it again: children need to be supported, not pushed.

Lately, I’ve heard many loving, well-intentioned parents asking:

• “My child is glued to me all the time! They’re already 2 years old… How much longer will this last?”

• “Why do they still need my full attention all day?”

• “Shouldn’t they be more independent by now?”

And yes — it can feel exhausting sometimes.

Some educators even say that sending your child to daycare before the age of 2 is “better,” because they “adapt more easily” and don’t cry as much as they might after 3 years old.

Unfortunately, that’s not entirely wrong… But what looks like adaptation is, in fact, defeat; it’s submission.

At age 2, many children don’t protest separation (they don’t cry) — not because they’re ready, but because their nervous system goes into freeze mode.

 This is not adaptation.

 This is survival.

What if we looked at this “clinginess” through the lens of the child’s needs, instead of the needs of adults and institutions that push for “early independence”?

Because here’s the truth:

A child’s need for affection, attention, and emotional recognition peaks in the first years of life.

It’s not a sign of weakness.

It’s a developmental necessity.

Young children are not built to be autonomous.

They are built to lean on you — to stay close, be held, be seen and felt, again and again.

Children need a support system. They cannot be their own support system — not for themselves, and certainly not for others.

Why?

Because when you’re little, the world is big, loud, fast, and overwhelming.

Your nervous system is still under construction.

You feel everything around you — but you cannot process fear, frustration, or change without an adult’s support.

When a child doesn’t feel safe, their body automatically (not consciously) shifts into:

• fight (tantrums and meltdowns),

• flight (avoidance),

• freeze (emotional shutdown), or

• fawn/submit (obedience to please and avoid conflict).

Pay attention!

Freeze is not calmness — it’s a protection mechanism where the child disconnects emotionally.

They might look “good,” “quiet,” or “easy,” but that’s because they’ve given up trying to connect with what they feel (fear, frustration, etc.) — it’s just too much for their nervous system.

Freeze is often misinterpreted as “adaptability” in 2-year-olds, but in reality, freeze is a survival state. It doesn’t mean the nervous system is ready to process the intense emotions triggered by separation. It is submission. It is defeat.

If this state becomes frequent or constant, the child can gradually lose trust in expressing their needs and emotions.

This can affect their ability to form secure, connected relationships later on — and even their capacity to live life with joy.

 True autonomy does not grow from forced separation.

It grows from repeated co-regulation.

It grows from safety — both physical and emotional.

And for a young child, safety looks like this:

•  Being close to a trusted person they feel safe with

•  Receiving consistent response, attention, and affection

•  Being recognized

•  Being seen — again and again

•  Being physically safe

  
  

 Feeling safe is not the same as being safe!

 How long does this deep need last?

Age Need for closeness, affection & recognition

0–2 years Extremely high

2–3 years  Very high

3–4 years  High

4–5 years  Still high

5–6 years  Moderate

6–7 years  Decreasing

We don’t raise confident, self-aware children by forcing them to separate early.

We do it by being present, again and again, until their inner world says:

“I feel safe now. I can do this on my own.”

And when you follow their rhythm, a moment comes when they will tell you themselves:

“Now I can do it alone!”

 This is how we grow roots.

Your child is not behind.

They are perfectly in tune with their own developmental needs.

What if we stopped rushing them toward productivity and performance?

What if we started trusting their natural rhythm instead?

 We all dream of a gentler world — one filled with calm, present, open, and compassionate people.

Yes, we survived — that’s clear.

But what if today, we choose differently for our children?

How would the world change if we protected them — so they grow in safety, trust, and not in fear?

About gentle transitions… in the next post.