Emotions don’t belong in books for children. They belong in the living relationship.

More and more parents buy books to “teach children about emotions.”

But children already know how to feel. What they need is parents who can mirror and guide those feelings in the moment.

Young children don’t “understand” emotions the way adults do. They feel them first in their bodies. Before concepts, stories, or logic, there is sensation: warmth, tightness, trembling, or joy flowing through them. Because they don’t yet have the words or frameworks to explain what they feel, they rely on us — parents, caregivers, and guides — to help them make meaning.

When we respond with presence instead of correction, children learn that emotions are not threats or punishments, but signals that can be safely understood and integrated.

When we move emotions into books, we push children from the feeling realm into the thinking realm far too early. True emotional learning comes from experience + connection, not concepts.

Science tells us:

• Children learn emotions through attunement and shared experience, not theory (Siegel, Schore).

• Mirror neurons allow them to reflect what we feel and show them.

• Secure attachment grows when parents co-regulate emotions — being there, not explaining away.

So, what is emotional mirroring?

It’s reflecting back your child’s inner state with presence and simple words.

Examples:

• When your toddler cries because their tower fell: “That was your tower… you’re sad it’s broken. I’m here.”

• When your child runs in excited: “Wow, I see your eyes shining! You’re so excited!”

• When they hide behind you: “It looks like you feel shy right now. You can take your time.”

In these moments, your child learns:

• What the feeling feels like.

• The name for it.

• That emotions are safe and can be shared.

• They are not alone with it.

Children don’t need a book to tell them about sadness or joy — they need you, present and attuned.

Maybe the books should be for parents instead. Because children still know how to feel — it’s us adults who need to remember.