Children, curiosity & sexuality: What we often Misunderstand

Many parents get scared when they notice their little ones touching their sexual organs — sometimes even around 1.5 years old — or when they see signs of early curiosity about their body.

We grew up in a culture where sexuality is misunderstood, repressed, and shamed, so it’s no wonder this fear gets passed on.

But here’s what’s important to know:

• Children are deeply sentient beings. They explore the world through feeling, touch, and experience — with their whole body and being.

• Sexual energy is life energy. It is not dirty, not shameful — it’s as natural as breathing. It is a natural function of the physical body. Babies are born with this life force, and it’s normal for it to arise from an early age.

• Science confirms this: there is even a natural “mini-puberty” phase in babies showing how the body prepares, from childhood, for its reproductive potential.

So when children touch themselves or seem fascinated by these sensations, it’s not “wrong.”

Sometimes, yes, it’s simple curiosity — discovering what feels pleasant.

Other times, it can be a self-soothing mechanism — a way for the child to relax or release pressure when their environment feels stressful.

Here’s what science says:

When a child touches their genitals—sometimes even in public settings like kindergarten—it’s often not about sex at all.

Instead, it's a vivid expression of their inner emotional landscape.

Children's behaviors are often a reflection of their inner feelings. They don't yet have the skills to filter or hide what they feel, so their emotions are expressed directly through their bodies and gestures.

Here’s what research tells us:

Curiosity and self-soothing are developmentally normal from ages 2–6. Many children explore their bodies as part of sensory growth. (HealthyChildren.org, AAFP, AS Honig - researchgate.net)

Stress and environmental pressure—like separation, moving, or changes at home—can increase self-touching as a release mechanism or emotional regulation strategy.( AAFP, PubMed, Brieflands, AS Honig - researchgate.net)

 These behaviors become worrisome only when they’re persistent, compulsive, or disrupt daily life. (AAFP, Brieflands, AS Honig - researchgate.net)

Because a child's behavior often mirrors their inner experiences, our response matters deeply:

Instead of shame or punishment, offer attunement. They need connection, not a scold, and that helps them feel seen and soothed.

Gently ask: “Are you feeling stressed today? Would you like a hug or a quiet moment together?”

As a parent the most important is to keep yourself attuned to your child emotional state and to notice and listen to your child's responses and reactions.

Even very young children, who do not yet have developed language, can respond — either with a “yes” or “no” or with gestures and expressions. I have noticed that many adults, especially when children are young, look at them with distrust or even superiority. But a child, even before the age of 2, if asked, expresses his answer. And this answer deserves to be listened to and treated with respect and dignity.

However, when, as adults, we constantly ignore their ability to express and continue to act as if children were objects, not intelligent and conscious beings, we implicitly convey to them that their voice does not matter.

Over time, the child can learn to disconnect from their own needs, to give up asking for what they need, to lose self-confidence and to seek the approval of others instead of following their true self.

So, be patient and prepared to repeat yourself.

What Helps Children Feel Safe

One of the biggest challenges is how we respond as parents:

• Avoid shaming, punishing, or labeling the behavior as “bad.”

• Use proper names for sexual organs — just like we do for hands, eyes, or knees. When we hide or rename these parts, children start to feel there’s something “wrong” or dirty about their body.

• Teach them, gently, about privacy rather than guilt, and if didn’t until this point, this is also a good time to discuss boundaries, yes and no, ok touch and not -ok touch, body safety and respecting each other body and privacy.

Saying things like: “This is your body. I help you keep it clean now.”

Respecting when they say “no” to playful touch during bath time — this models consent early.

Our goal isn’t to encourage or forbid, but to normalize, inform, and protect.

Because when children grow up knowing their body is natural and safe, they develop healthy boundaries, self-respect, and confidence in their relationship with their own body.

Normative (normal), common "sexual" behavior in 2- to 6-year-olds may include:

Occasional touching of genitals

+Curiosity or self-soothing; may occur occasionally, especially during times of relaxation or before sleep

 — Persistent or compulsive behavior that disrupts play, sleep, or daily activities

Touching of organs in private moments

+Gentle exploration, variable frequency, easily redirected

— Child cannot focus on other activities, does not respond to redirection, or becomes upset when stopped

Adapting to new environments

+Temporary increase in touching in response to stress or for comfort

— Intense, repetitive behavior, excludes other types of play, and cannot be redirected, even with emotional support

Looking at or touching a peer/sibling's organs

+Natural, short-lived curiosity and mutual exploration

— Occurs frequently, dominates play, or persists after calm redirection

Showing genitals to other children

+Part of early curiosity about the body

— Associated with aggression, coercion, or insistence despite refusal

Attempting to see other children or adults naked

+Occasional curiosity usually stops with gentle guidance

— Games that simulate adult sexual acts or repetitive attempts at intrusion

Causing emotional distress or physical harm through sexual behavior

+Not typical

— Any behavior that involves force, coercion, emotional pain, or physical harm to others requires immediate intervention

 The takeaway:

Your child’s exploration of their body is not a problem to fix.

It’s an opportunity — to create an environment of safety, honesty, and trust, where life energy is respected instead of feared.